Stay Positive!

Come across this paragraph and I found it very meaningful.

失去才能领略更多美丽，在我们拥有的时候，总是害怕着失去，但也许必须藉由失去，我们才能够不再画地自限，反而拥有更多美丽的经验.
The beauty of losing it.  When we had it, we tended to worry about losing it. However, if we lost it, we would not limit ourselves from having more beautiful experiences.

这叫做积极性的自我安慰

This is called self-consoled in positive way.

失恋了，斤斤计较你辜负我多少我有哪些不甘，是人之常情，但分手自有分手的理由，何不在痛过之后自我安慰：以前老是担心会分手，现在没什么好担心了，以前总在抱怨他对我不好，现在我再也不必受到不好的对待。

以前只能守着一株草，现在到处都可能有芳草.

When there was a breakup, I used to complaint about how you disappointed or failed me in this relationship. However, every breakup has a reason behind it. Instead of keep complaining, why not get over it after a good cry, and free from all the worries and ill-treatments in previous relationship.

Used to watch over a tree, I have a forest for me to choose now.


如果不要只着眼于一时的失去，失恋，失业，失婚，都可能带来更宽阔的视野。只要不失去生命，我们依然大有可为。

Every disappointment in relationship, job, marriage and etc, can widen our vision over many things. We can still do anything if we do not lose our life.  

我一直相信一句老话：如果老天爷为你关一扇门，一定会为你开一扇窗。

There is always a window open for you if a door is closed.

虽然，大部分的时候，从门到窗的距离，可能超乎想像的长，我们还是要找到那条路，从门，走到窗口那边，才会看到一大片蓝天.

蓝天，原本就在，只是我们一直把自己关在房子里.

Though there is a distance from door to window, we can walk to the windows when the blue sky is always there for us unless we lock ourselves in the room.

可以过关吗？

Honestly speaking, I really thought that I would not be able to go for second round of interview. To my surprise, I received a message from that malay lady again on Monday noon. She would like me to have another interview on the following day, but i requested to have it this noon instead. On the day that i received the message from her, i was thrilled, worried and excited over the next interview. I must not let the chance run away from my hand. I spent quite some time to look for information about this company and what kind of questions to be asked during the second interview.

Finally the day had come, I reached 15 minutes earlier before the interview. As informed, the COO would be late for the interview. True enough, he was late for 15 minutes after the interview time at 2pm. I supposed to be nervous. Because of waiting more than 15 minutes in the conference room, my feeling was from nervous to tired. Out of curiousity, I want to know who they are as they did not make a proper introduction about themself. So i plucked up my courage to check with the malay lady before they arrived.

As confirmed, the moustache guy is the team lead called Mr Wu, as for the COO called Mr Mose and the malay lady is called Hozara.

The interview ended less than 20 minutes, they did not ask many questions. However, the COO kept asking questions that i found the questions he asked were totally not related to my current job scope.

Again that malay lady was asking why there was no promotion for me when i have been in this company for quite sometime. To be franked, in order to get promoted, you must really know how to be a "BootLicker". However, i did not tell her the whole story but told the partial story only.

This time, they did not request me to ask question. Instead of requesting, i asked a few questions. One of the questions really shocked me, they do not want the employees to work OT because this shows that the employee is not efficient or productive enough in their work. Furthermore, OT was waived due to one of the staffs complained to the main office. I am too used that most companies would like their employess to stay back to do their work to show that they are loyal and committed to their employer. Glad to hear but in other work, you must not stay back as this shows that you are not capable to complete the work within timeline.

Still it ended with something like, they would like to interview the rest of the candidates before they can make a decision over who is the final winner in this competition for job as RISK ANALYST.

This time I am confident but rather worried that I might not doing well for their expectations. I seriously hope that the lady luck can still stay with me till the end and get me this job as i really want to get a job that can help me to proceed further in my career with higher pay.

Sad

Earlier in August 2012, I happened to come across a recruitment post from a big middle east oil company as Risk Analyst. All these times, I have been trying to ways to get into the oil company. The chance has come and I would like to give a try.

After 1 month plus of waiting, i felt that i did not stand a chance. However, last Monday night, i received a called from that oil company and arrange an interview on today morning. I was shocked and surprised because I am so used to not to put hope on any resume I sent, will not expecting a interview too.

The chance was here. I should grab it no matter what.

This morning had come, I was interviewed by a middle-age mouthstache guy and a pretty young malay lady. The interview took more than 30 minutes. However, i felt that i did badly in my interview. I felt sooo sad that i may not receiving a call from that malay lady to have a second round interview.

Frankly speaking, i really hope that i can get this job. This is a job that i can know more in depth about oil industry. At the same time, a breakthrough in my career. I do not want to stick in my current job with low pay and no career prospect. Though many advise me to go into admin where the pay is alot better than my current job. But I do not want to jump into another job when I do not have any interest in it at all. This is like, you are filling the hole, and digging another hole to jump in. Soon, I am no longer a girl in 20s.

 I really hope that the Lady Luck can be on my side this round.

My 1st Polaroid Camera

Finally, I got the latest version for instax camera Piano Black, Instax Mini 50s camera. Though I am not as expected overwhelmed, I am glad that I got it one at last. Surprisingly, my sister insisted to pay for it. So this has become a gift from her. Hehe I saved $$$$.

Ever since I knew about polaroid camera, I have been checking out about instax camera. However, most of them sound expensive to me. After the diving trip at Tioman, my diving friends had been using the polaroid camera, that made me to have “Thirst” of getting it too.

Other than the camera itself is expensive, the film is expensive too. However, come to think that, nowadays instead of developing the photos, many will rather save and upload to FB. It will be nice if there are instant photos to be kept in an album.

After much research, I came across this page, thecamerawise.com. They sell a lot cheaper than many online (Eg. ebay, gmarket) and retail stores. And I got it at only S$ 169. Though I know that the camera introduced in year 2010, I believe the trend is coming to Singapore.

 Hopefully, I will love my first Polaroid camera. 

Glad to stay alive!!!

Tioman trip at Berjaya Resort on 11-12 Aug 2012
A week before my diving trip to Tioman.. I went to have a fortune teller advice. I was told that I should keep away from water especially the sea. But then, I was going to have a diving trip. He said that Water can harm to my life safety. I was so worried when I set off to Tioman. Along the journey to Tioman, I kept reminding myself to be positive. If god really wants to take me away, by all means god will still do it in any kind of situation or places. 既来之，则安之。

First 3 dives on the first day at Tioman, were awesome and I had a great fun with others either onshore or underwater world. However, on the second day at Tioman, I had a bad dream.

The dream:
"As promised, my sister fetched me at the dive shop after the dive trip. Out of sudden, she stopped the car in the middle of road and cried. I was shocked. I tried to reach her. I tried to tell her that I could drive the car if she was not feeling well. However, I seem to have difficulties to talk to her. Very fast, I was brought to somewhere, and I was told that I died due to suffocation when I was trying to swallow a SGD 1 dollar gold coin. Because of that gold coin, it blocked my air way and led me to death.

At the same time, I saw my wake. Everyone was sad and crying. While my photo was put just in front of my coffin. Everything seem so real, I was so upset and still could not figure out why am I trying to swallow that stupid dollar coin. Then appear this guy, said that everything were predestinied and I had to accept it no matter what. He asked me to go back."

The moment, he instructed me to go back. My alarm rang and I was awaken. Since then, I had a bad feeling. I felt that something might happen during my last 2 dives. I told my 2 dive guy friends about my bad premonition due to my dream. They asked me not to worry as the dream always turn out to be opposite. I knew that they were trying their best to assure me.

Still I was not convinced, I persuaded myself not to worry so much. The 4th dive, I felt more confident and forgot all about the dream.

Finally, the last dive at Reggis. I felt that everything ended so fast, I began to miss the diving. Hence, I decided to enjoy myself at my last dive. This last dive would be our Treaure hunt game.

2-3 minutes after the descending, we reached to a deserted rusty car skeleton. We paused a while at there. Suddenly, I heard a leaking sound. My oxygen tank seem to be leaking. I looked at my gauge, the remaining oxygen should have at least 190-200 but then, it seem to drop dramatically. I was shocked. Immediately, I signal to the lead. Instead of signalling him "Something wrong", I signalled him "Out of air". I dived towards him, he gave me the extra regulator, I put away my own regulator. While taking his regulator, I was calm. I tried to purge the water out when I took his regulator. Keep trying to purge the water. No matter how I tried, I found that I was choking. I wanted to dive up fast, he slowed me down. Because if i dived up fast, he and i would get decompression. Then, I saw the rest of guys, came to help me too. On our way up, I choked. Out of panic, I threw away my "lifeline" a few times. I looked up and wondered why only a minute to surface seem soooooo long. At that time, I chose to give up. I talked to myself, "Is my life going to end just like that?" The moment, I reached the surface, I could finally breathe. I was glad that I was still alived.

Because of me, everyone dived up to surface. The girls were puzzled and the guys were trying to tell me that my oxygen tank was only a little leaking and still had 190 remaining oxygen. Was I imagining at that time? I sweared that I really seem that the guage dropped alot.

The lead asked me "Do i wish to continue?" The only thing I could think of is to complete the dive. I said "Yes". The rest of my diving friends were amazed and we continued our last leisure dive. I could see that they were trying to ensure that I still have confident to dive.

After the last dive, many things come into my mind. "I can only be alive for one time. Should I continue my diving? Am i confident enough to face another that can endanger my life?" What makes me to dive first? I remembered that I chose to dive because I do not want to have any regrets in my life. Since I chose to dive, I will continue to dive. I should not run away or avoid when I meet obstacles. I should overcome it.

No matter what I am glad that I can survive till now. In addition, I am glad that i can meet new friends.

Hopefully, my incoming dive trip will be pleasant. Stay calm, think and act when i meet any obstacles. I learnt a new meaningful words, "My buddy is ME, only me can save myself".

Blood Donation Day, 11/07/2012

Finally, the blood donation day has arrived. It has been a year since the last time, I donated my blood. I felt so bad whenever I come across the poster stating the day to donate. Right now, I recovered from my flu which was a few weeks ago and have no medication since that flu. I am ready for it.

Everything went well. However, during the donating when the bag was almost full, I felt giddy, cold sweat and almost passed out. It was my first time to have this stupid feeling when this is my 4^th time to do my donation. I felt so sad and disappointed.

Going forwards, I make sure I have enough rest, fluid and food before I head to another donation.  Anyway, I got the complimentary free travel by SMRT and badges. =)

Still I won’t give up donating because not everyone is suitable to donate blood even if they intend to. I am just lucky to be one of the donor. My blood can save at most to 3 lives. 

Pulau Tioman on 25-27 May 2012

In my previous post, I mentioned that the diving trip cancelled. Since, already planned to go for the open water course, my sis and i decided to go ahead without my poly friend.

After 2 days of theory tests and swimming course, we were on our way to Pulau Tioman. The journey to Tioman was terrible. I could not have a good rest on bus and ferry. It took us 8 hours to reach Pulau Tioman. We were staying at Salang Beach Resort. A simple quah sharing room with toilet attached. Luckily, we were sharing with 2 bubbly friendly ladies. They are the same age as me. Kim and PJ. My sis and i were overjoyed to share the room with them.

The water is clear enough that we were able to see fishes, sea urching and many marine life creatures.

The first day, we had 3 dives. First 2 dives, we need to practise what we had learnt earlier in the pool sessions. Mask clearing is one of them that i afraid of. Finally, all the basic learning about diving ended. The 3rd dive was the leisure dive. This 3rd dive really change my life experience towards underwater world. Though this was only our first leisure dive, we met marine life creatures that we never expected to see. Mini SHARK and TURTLE. From a distance, we saw the shark. At that time, we were shocked. Our diving instructor mentioned that if we happened to have chance to see the shark, please do not panic or make any hand signal over seeing the sharks. We only discussed after diving. The next marine creature was Turtle, it was rather cute to see the turtle. It swam very slow and freely which did not really bother with us around. It just swam past us to a very close distance.

During the boat journey to our next dive, we also had many good chat with our Dive instructor, Irvin and Assistant instructor, Zhong Kai "宅男". The nick was given by us. The chat helped us to forget about the seasickness.

After the whole day of divings, we were so tired and hungry. But we had a great times for 3rd dive. After dinner, we strolled along the small path to jetty. The starry night was beautiful that we usually could not see it in Singapore. Along the way to jetty, we had a great chat and better understanding with each others.

The 2nd day on Tioman, would be our last day at there. That day, 2 leisure dives and deeper depth. Though the 2 leisure dives, did not have many exciting encounters. Still the 2 leisure dives were nice and enjoyable. Everythings ended nice and memorable experience at Tioman.

First, i would like to thank Blue Reef Scuba instructors Irvin who was paitent enough to teach us during the pool and sea sessions.

Second, i would like to thank Zhong Kai being alert enough to ensure everyone's safety.

Third, both Irvin and Zhong Kai are professional enough to make us feel safe and secured enough in their hand while we were diving.

Last, i am very happy to know Kim and PJ in this trip.

Hope to know more new friends in the near future. So that i am able to enlarge my social circles... Would plan to have advance dive too when i have enough spare cash.

In this trip, i do have a small crush on someone. Lolz but the crush is gone after a night sleep..

想你就写信

听了广播“想你就写信” 便有冲动写信。

这是一封写给妈妈的信。希望远在天边的妈妈能知道。

妈妈，当你被诊断出癌症末期时，家里一度陷入低潮。你为了我们勇敢面对病魔。在与病魔抗争四年多里，看着你从平时肥胖的身形，渐渐地演变成瘦骨如柴的身形。 虽然我们嘴上不说，心里却很难过。可惜的是，在我们刚刚升上社会大学时，你还是离开了我们。俗语说，“树欲静风不止，子欲养亲不在”

  不久前，听到以量的节目，如何表达对妈妈的爱，一个拥抱。心里有些伤感， 因为这个简单的拥抱，我是永远无法做到的。 每天下班回家，家里总是空荡荡的，等待着我的只是个冰冷的饭盒。

  虽然你已离开我们有六年了，我依然想念以往你在家等我,为我准备热热得晚餐。想念你的唠叨，想念你的笑声，想念你对我们的好。 希望远在天边的你，能过着无忧虑无病痛的生活。

  <3 爱你的女儿 <3

Too many things...

Last night, i had a long secretive chat with my SIL via Whatsapp. You may wonder how secretive it is. Yes a secret or i should say a secret is not to be revealed else will lead to unnecessary bad trouble.

I can only say, many of us have changed as age goes by as times pass as many things happened around us. Many things, we cannot control except our life. Many things that happened, and you may want to avoid or overcome it. However, there are still something we can control by making the right decision. A decision that you can either say YES or NO to it.

Perhaps, the day we are borne.. The day that we chose to borne under which family or which day or which gender. Perhaps, we had already made our choice and we could not remember. Perhaps fate will know the answer.

Right now, at this moment. I want to do something that I always want to. Attend a foreign language course. I have deceided to attend a Spanish course. Initially, i planned to learn Japanese. I changed my mind as I want to enrich my world with more people of 500million in the world know spanish. However, my main concern now is CASH. Do i have any spare cash? i have so many things to clear while i am earning a peanut only. Sad to say, i afraid that i do not have any spare cash.

Like i say, there are many things beyond our control. Just like diving trip that was planned on the coming May 2012, cancelled due to one of my friend is not able to make it. I am so disappointed. Will plan to go diving trip in this year 2012. I really want to learn something. After learning diving, i might go for riding horse class.

I may earning a peanut now. I do hope that one day, I can earn alot with alot of spare cash that allows me to travel around and attending different kinds of interesting courses.

You and I only live once. Life is pretty short. Learn to treasure your times to know the world and love your closed ones.

All the best to Me and You...

Will it be just Coincidence?

Late night, I am sleepy and tired after the whole day work and exercise. However, i have an urge to write down something that give me an "Invisible" push. A push that give me a bit of confidence to move forward.

Last friday, i planned to visit to Si Ma Street Guanyin Temple during my lunch hours. A temple that is famous for the accuracy of prediction. In order to show my sincerity, i intended to buy a flower. I went to one of the flower pushcarts. Among 3 colors, Pink, Yellow and White.. My first thought is to get the White flower but I could not make a decision. The flower auntie helped me to make a decision. End up i took her advice to buy White flower since i had already decided to get white instead.

As usual practice, we need to pray before entering the main hall. I put my flower in one of the vases. Then straight to get 一瓶签 and 圣杯. I went to the centre of big red carpet which is crowded with devoted people praying and asking questions.

I went up and knee down in the middle of the red carpet. I started to ask questions.

First question, i asked about my career. To be exact, i asked if i am able to change a new job within this year. Will i be contented with my new job?

In the end, i got the number 86.

Second question, perhaps my age is catching up or the stress surround me. Most of my friends are either attached or married. I asked will my next relationship be a successful good one?

In the end, i got the number 62.

Third question, i asked when can i meet my Mr Right? She was unable to give me an answer as i had 2 times rejected 圣杯, i asked her whether she wished to answer my question. No doubt, she was willing to. However, i threw 4 times of rejected 圣杯afer getting different number 签. I decided to give it a miss. Thinking that i maybe asking a question that is supposed to be a secret.

Fortunately, i got 2 good 签. I was so happy. When i intended to burn another 签 that has been hidden in my wallet. I brought it out and i was shocked that i got the same number 86. THe number 86 was actually got it a few years.

In the end, i chose to burn the new 签 and keep the old one in my wallet again.

Was it a coincidence? Or is she giving me a hint? Is she telling me not to give up? No matter what, I felt that this invisible push me to have confidence to face my future.

Hope everythings turn out what i want or better.

Simple Life, Simple Aims!

A few days ago, I just met up with ZQ, a financial adviser who is my sister’s NTU friend. He is still considering a young chap to me because I am older than him by 3 years. The overall conversation was good. Initially, I could sense his nervousness. In order to ease his tension, I talked to him in an informal way. Eventually, he was comfortable to talk to me and I was very open towards my current financial situation. Perhaps, I felt happier after the conversations as this talk indeed helped me to face myself more direct and understand what I should plan for my future.

Though I have to clear a debt that does not belong to mine, I have to bear the responsibility to clear it. “只能怪我愚昧，信错了一个伪君子！” However, I did a wise thing that happened half year plus ago.

Right now, my priority is to clear all my debts and start my savings from scratch again. Still, this is always my resolution is to find a new job in this year that allows me to have good pay and prospect.

Hope I can do it by this year, 2012….

Quote: 把简单的变成丰富，是聪明；把丰富的变成简单，是智慧。丰富，有助思考；简单，便于实行。丰富的简单，能思能行，可成大业。

Flash back..

Alone at home again. Suddenly have an urge to read my personal journal. A journal that wrote down my depressed and emo feelings.

Flash back, i have been 2 years, not writing down my emo feelings. I knew that the past 2 years, deep inside me had been shouting... Shouting for an invisible hand to push Me - a courage that i have been hoping for. But something stops me to write them down and that explains why i did not write down my emo feelings for that 2 years.

However, I did find the emo feelings that i been writing down, all of them were really like jokes to me.. Perhaps, I have overcomed my fears and pains. They are all seem to be just like a flash back. Or simply find that i am really naive to believe THEM. Afterall, they are all to look for their perfect ones. So do I.

A pity is I have not found my perfect one. At this moment, i will give it a break. A break that i feel more free.. Free from commitments, Free from control, Free from pains.

Right now, i will follow my own footsteps to reach my goals.

GIVE ME COURAGE TO DO THAT

On my journey to accomplish...

Very fast, 1 month plus is already over. Soon to end Febuary 2012 too.. What i have fulfilled my new year resolutions?

Glad that i have accompanies this time with my poly good friend and sister in the coming May 2012.. Will be proceeding to Pulau Dayang. A place that i heard is good for beginner especially those who have urge to get their Diving Licence. So do I.. I am really looking forwards the day to come. Meanwhile, I would like to widen social circle too. I want to know new friends.

My first new resolution is going to be accomplished... =)

My New Year 2012 Resolutions

In the past, I never really write down my new year resolutions. However, for this new year 2012, I want to have a change. A change in my life. Changes that can bring me happiness, satisfactions and good health. I really hope that I can make all my new year 2012 resolutions come true.

These are my new year resolutions:

1. Switch to a new job with higher pay and good career prospect
2. Attend a course for future needs
3. Lose weight till 44-45kg
4. Learn diving
5. Widen my social circle
6. Brush up my English especially in communication
7. Be Confident
8. Maintain my eyesight degree
9. Able to be debted-free
10. Able to go holiday twice a year

Reasons:
1. Since I graduated, I been looking for a change in my job. However, I still stick to my current job which I have no satisfaction at all. I really hope this year will be a different year for me. A year that I have a new job with better pay and prospect.

2. As for the course, I have not decided which course to attend. Because I do not have any spare cash on-hand.

3. I want to stay healthy so i must lose weight till 44-45kg. As i know that once i reach this weight, i will control my diet and exercise more. I am still trying hard now though my weight already 47-48kg. There are still 3 more kg to lose

4. Diving is always one of the lessons, i would like to take but there is alway no opportunity. I want to dive into an underwater world. A world that is away from the urban area or I should address it as REALITY. I want to see the beauty in the deep deep water world.

5. I would like to widen my social circle. I am still figuring on how to widen my social circle. I really hope Fate can help me. Because my surrounded friends are mostly married. They are busy with their family. I would like to know more people, so that whatever festival seasons and weekends, there are new friends accompany. Meanwhile, helping me in my communications and get to know more about the outside world.

6. Till now, my english is still very poor. I would like to know more people who can only speak english and willing to communicate with me in english. Hope that this year 2012, i can speak well in english with confident.

7. Confident is something that i been looking for. I have lost my confident since in polytime. I do not know what is going on. I used to have a fighting spirit that lead me to go further and reached my goals. However, i lost them when i was in poly time. I hope i can find the Confident and fighting spirit in Year 2012.

8. I had my lasik in 2 years back. I found that my eyesight degree is indeed deteriorating. I really hope that the degree will not be deteriorating further. I want to have perfect eyesight and not wearing glasses. I want to stay pretty. This is what every lady will want to have, so do I.

9. I want to be debted-free. Able to clear all debts in this year 2012. Hopefully, in the coming few years too.

10. Honestly speaking, ever since i graduated. I always hope that i can travel around the world. Life only live once. I want to know more about outside world when I still have the ability to walk and run. But i can't, i do not have spare cash. Hence, i hope that i can go holiday at least twice to further countries but not just my neighbour country, Malaysia.

I like the sentence "Life only live once, get the best for yourself". I am enlightened by this sentence. All these years, i have been living for others. I always put others as the priority but not mine. This time, i want to put myself as priority. I will be more selfish and not soft-hearted. As soft-hearted only makes me hurt even more.