I was stupid...

On 20 dec 2014, while i was having my breakfast before i went for work. An indian old guy walked pass my doorstep and returned then he said something to me outside my doorstep. I was taken aback at that moment. He kept repeating the same sentences, e.g.  i was thinking too much and i should let go but dont worry i will be lucky and start from next jan 2015. Then he said, he had already prayed for me, so i should give a token. I gave him 5 bucks and he insisted 10 bucks so i gave him 10 bucks instead but he didnt return my 5 bucks.  He kept both notes instead. Stupidly he asked for more and i gave him another 10bucks. So in the end i gave him 25 bucks in total with just few words. Plus he passed me a small note written "6427 Victor Wee", asked me to buy 4D.
Oh gosh. When he was gone, i took some time to find myself awake that i was scammed. I was soo stupid...i felt like i was mesmerised and i had a feeling of using money to make him go away. I still dont understand why. I should have shut the door or threaten him that i will call the police
25 bucks is an lesson for me though is nothing compared with 20k plus.. still i learnt my lessons

Earlier Posting on 15 Jan 2014

Reading back my past postings. I tended to write down my bad feelings. Perhaps these are the channels that I can freely express my emotions. Honestly speaking, time wait for no man. I am 30 now with no accomplishment either on job or family. Still I am the same old me. But I feel happier and peaceful over my current life. I begin to know what I want though I am no longer a young sweet lady. I am single but that does not mean that I will not get attached. I will get attached with my right one by this year and married the next year. I do hope so. Lolz.

We live only once though I believe reincarnation. If you plan to do something, just go ahead with no hesitations. There are many surprises ahead of you instead of sticking to your routine lifestyle. I experienced these new surprises last 2 years and I love it. I went for diving, travelling and even have a side-job. I like to meet new people and learn new things from them. Indeed last year was a fulfilling year for me. I know that I need to treasure what I have now. I know that I should make use of the time I have now. I know that I have to earn more money for my future plans. 

Another similar day of work..

It has been a long time since the last blog. I need a place to “burst” out my feeling.. sometimes,  I can’t stand the people that I worked with. They can simply said my fault. Even I complaint to my superior. She will not side us because she has no stand. I feel sooo tired and sick of working with them. All they have to do is to complain to my big boss. Worst to come is my big boss believe their side of story and never care to listen our side of story. Yes I know why, just because we are small fries. Many times, I want to tender but reality stops me. Sad to say, I was not borne in silver spoon.

I should have changed to another job long ago. I tried many years but still, I don’t have the luck to get another job. Yes lazy is the only excuse. My heart has already “ died” of keep finding and sending resume to every companies. I know possibility counts. However, I been doing the same thing again and again almost every day since I graduate for years.

No big deal for me being a UNI graduate as it makes no different from others who have no cert. All you need to have is get your superior recognizes. The cert is just a stepping stone to help you to get your job easier. Too bad for me I have cert but I don’t have the lady luck to be on my side. Or i am just being stupid and lazy.

What I hope for is to switch to a better job and decent pay with good superior recognize. Since now, my life is not easy but I will survive strong.

When I was being said that I was an emo girl...

This was written down on 31 Dec 2012. I was supposed to post it here early but I wrote down my feeling or thoughts on the note in my iPhone.

The moment of me, I had so many things to write... The story started with a new guy who I only know him for a few weeks.. His actions had somehow triggered my past memory when I was with my ex.. In the end, I lost my cool on him. Though I apologize to him immediately, it was already too late. What has done and had already done. I learnt my lesson.

This post is a reminder for me to keep my cool and put all the bad memories behind and I shall step forward to my brighter days ahead. Cheers.

"Honestly speaking, I am a negative and easily emo type of person. Having go through so many negative incidents. I believe that these negative incidents have helped me to grow up. 

In the past, I was rather a dependent person and knew that my mum would be always there for me. In fact, there are many things beyond our control. Right now, I believe that there is always a solution. Just up to you to decide to give up or persist on to get the problem solved. 

For me, I am negative but I am not afraid to face the obstacles. And believe that I can overcome any obstacles. 

Yes forgive me if I am emo. Emo is another way of relieve my stress or unhappiness. No one is perfect. Is how you handle your emo and get over it with a certain timeline.

This is me!

Sometime, you may think that the past is the past. However, you should know that when someone cut my heart with a knife. Even the wound is healed. A scar is still remained there. Scar is just a reminder for me to know that I learnt a lesson from there and not to repeat it again.

This is me!"

I do believe you and i are no different. Is how the way you handle your emo.. Cheerz. =)

Did I do wrongly?

Today is his birthday.. As promised, I rushed to attend his church service. I was supposed to meet the myanmar girl together to the church. She was overslept. In the end, I took train and she took cab.

During the church service, I could not sense the god existence as I found pretty annoying to sing songs. I prefer quiet environment to pray to the Lord Jesus God. From there, then I could find the peace. Too bad, I could not sense any peace at all. However, before the church service ended, there were many people who started to accept and sense the god's existence, Many of them cried in front of the stage. I was shocked to see this moment. I was glad that they found their moral support through the Lord Jesus God.

For me, I'm still not able to sense any god existence. Even though I been through a close shave to death.

After the church servcie, there were total 14 of us having lunch with him and celebrating his birthday. At the same time, he treated all of us lunch. In the middle of conversations, he mentioned that I still had not slept around 2am. I was abit shocked. I asked him back how he knew that. He said that because the god told him that. He said that he could not sleep early too because there were many birthday greetings from his friends. I guessed that he was hinting that I did not message him any greeting at all last night though I slept late. Before we ended the lunch, everyone of us passed him his birthday gifts, he seemed happy but tired. Then he asked if anyone wish to join him the KTV or bowling game after the lunch. The girl and I did not have the intention to join him after that. Both of us lied that we have had the appointment later. And I could see the disappointment from his facial expression.

Shortly after we separated, the girl and I chatted while walking towards the MRT. I felt quite guilt over telling her that how he had misled me and made me to dislike her. As we chatted more, I found that she is rather a sweet girl and many guys are wooing her. Perhaps, he had grown fond into her as they went out almost everyday after he met her. He could even walk her home to her doorstep which he has never done that to me. This means that he really like her but not me. I asked her if he confess to her, will she accept him. She said firmly, "No!". First, the religion is already an issue as she is buddhism and he is a stauch christian. Second, he should not keep meeting new girls. Third, he should not mislead me and deny that he has interested in her. All these made her feel that he is a complicated person.

We separated at the MRT station as a guy came to fetch her to go for dating. When I reached home, I was abit taken back that he messaged us that they did not go for any celebration but instead home to rest. I did not chat much with him because I know that I am his backup. I hate to be someone's backup plus I do not want to try another ride of "roller coaster". The past few weeks were enough for me. 1 month of constant messaging between him and I have ended. I feel great that I can let go this stupid feeling.

If I am the one that cause you to lose her. I am sorry. I was just being franked to her how you have been misleading me.

I do hope that you can be faithful and honest to your only girl but not keep messaging another girl behind your only girl.

Hate to say that Hypocrite exists in my life

After a good night chat with the Myanmar girl, I found that he is a big liar.. Definitely, a flirty guy too. He could twist and turn his words. All these while, my state of mind and feeling were being played like a roller coaster. He is such a big-hearted, devoted Christian and honest guy who can be such a big liar. Luckily, I did not join the “fun” as he had hinted me to take the initiative to date him.

Due to the chat, I can finally let go of this stupid feeling. He does not worth for me to have this stupid feeling. I do hope that he can be truthful to the next girl but not keep on misleading the innocent parties.

I am glad that I back to my normal self and not keep on thinking of this stupid idiot bastard jerk. Please forgive my crude words. He does not deserve for me to say nice things about him. 

I love myself even more after this incident. 

If you are kind hearted person, no matter what religion you are. You are deserved to be an angel after life. 

Zero Response

My mind is still bothering by his replies.. He ended "I mean it, I will not interfere". His replies are still so hurtful to me. I do not know whether my replies to him too.. Right now, I still miss his initiation of messaging me. This coming Sunday is his Birthday. He requested me to go to his church service on that day and treat him birthday lunch. However, since the quarrel, we are not messaging anymore. Should I honor my word? I do not know. Come to think, perhaps this is only my one-sided love. 

Sad.. I want to get over it asap.. I really feel like stoning.. So that I won't be soo bothered about it.