Does God exist?

Does god really exist? I do not know because I can’t sense his existence. I am an atheist after my mum’s incident. He is a Christian and he baptized only 3 years ago. We had a slight argument over this belief yesterday. He had difficulties to convince me over the god existence. He mentioned “My heart is closed, the god will not force his way into it” and I should learn to open. The problem is that I need to be convinced before I can accept the god existence. I found that relying on god is more like a moral support. Right now, I do lack of this moral support. However, many things make me disappointed in all gods. Hence, that leads me to become an atheist.

I also come to know that He is a staunch Christian, will want his spouse to be a Christian too. So I am just simply thinking too much over his over-friendly friendship. I need to learn to keep a distance from him so that I won’t have too much affection from him.

Right now, my concerns are career and future. It has been so long, I never really pray to God..  Because I fear of disappointments. If I really pray to him sincerely, will my pray be answered?

Do i really like him?

Last night, I was so upset and angry over someone. This someone is who I know him through a social application. I approached him first to ask about the voluntary work. Soon after we met up to do the voluntary work. Thereafter, we have been messaging each other via whatsapp everyday. Most of the times, he will be the one who initiates the conversation via whatsapp.

Yesterday, was a good weather to run. He is the someone who motivates me to get back to my running. Hence, I message him about the good weather and will run after I knocked off.

He seem busy to reply me. I asked him and he replied frankly that he was with the Myanmar girl who he knew only a few days. This Myanmar girl took the initiative to cook lunch for him on CNY day 1 and accompanied him to Hongbao River.  Now they were dating for coffee and movie. In order not to let him knew that I was indeed angry over what he had told me earlier that he has no feeling for her and now he was dating her. I ended message with happy dating and shall not disturb both of them. At that moment, I felt soo cheated. I almost teared. I complaint to my best sister.. I went to run after I knocked off. I tried to make myself forget all the stupid feelings but all seem so difficult.

Close to 10pm, I believed that he had already sent her home after the movie. He messaged me again. I was soo pissed over him and I tried to push him in a way to stop denying that he has no feeling for her. I was soo upset that I almost lost my cool. Indeed I did lost abit of cool, he was trying hard to cool me down by distracting other topics and telling me jokes. We chatted till quite long till we like arguing. However, things were cooled down very fast.

Still I am not happy with it. I do not know whether am I just infatuation with him. Or I really like him in just a short period of time. I know that I am simply jealous over it.